Mr Scruff

You would not believe what the Blonde did the other day. She was in a total flap, a flap like I’ve never seen her before, what you would call a “full on flap” just in case I ever need to refer to this sort of flap again. Anyway, during this full on flap – which involved a pair of Gladiator sandals or something, she lost her car keys and we were just about to go to Primrose Hill for a walk to meet my BFF Chaplin. Chaplin (Chappers I call him), is a pedigree King Charles spaniel from Alabama, he’s proper aristo, he looks like he’s wearing a long black wig – if he weren’t my BFF I’d probably think he was a right nonce. If he were a girl we’d look like something out of the film Lady and the Tramp, me being the tramp, some bitches like that look I’ll have you know…

Anyway, back to this flap. So Blonde starts crying saying life is so unfair and how was she gonna get to Primrose Hill now? She’s determined the Blonde, and after a chat with BFF’s mum we were off – I kid you not – off to walk to Primrose Hill. I live in Ladbroke Grove… You get the picture, it’s a full on six mile walk. By the time we get to Willesden we’re both puffed out, luckily she’s packed me a bowl and a bottle of water and some lovely snacks, she loves the organic ones, I’m fine with bog standard chews but she don’t go in for all that. Blonde was hysterical by now as 6 big black cabs had refused to take us, something to do with me being with her, but I didn’t take offence.

Did I mention that we were both wearing my new lead! It’s a hand made job from the mutt parlour I get my nails done at, I clocked that it matched Blonde’s bag and those flap causing Gladiator sandals (which after turning the house upside down, appeared in the bottom of my bed – oops). We were a vision in tan leather the pair of us – a vision!

Two hours later she was muttering something about feeling like a Fashion Forest Gump. Whatever that means – never been to a forest called Gump? She was losing her mind just when a cab pulled over and let us in!! Woof!!! The driver and Blonde had a chat about dogs. We skipped the Hill as we were so cream crackered and had a nice rest in a place called the Landsdowne and Blonde drank that red drink she likes.

The next day my legs were still sore – here is a picture of me in Blondes bed, I stayed like that for hours…….