Mademoiselle

Saturday was so lovely, I donned a pair of walking boots and did a charity walk with the dog around Hampstead Heath in aid of The Mayhew Animal Rescue

Home. I felt so virtuous and I raised £400.

Later on, a friend’s 30th turned into the mother of all celebrations. It was hardcore. I left (fell out of) a basement party called “Bloodbath Disco”, on the Hackney Road at 5am yesterday morning. AND IT WAS SNOWING! I was wearing a new pair of Ralph Lauren, open toe, red, silk sling backs (ruined). Staggered into a cab and managed NOT to get side tracked by numerous texts from friends who were at an after party somewhere in Chelsea. I developed the restraint gene late in life, clearly.

On Sunday I watched crap films all day wearing star print pj’s. Ate 10 rounds (pounds) of buttery, marmite toast. Felt VILE. Ralph lauren shoes are destroyed.

Another manic Monday, my alarm goes off at 6am. Behind my eyes still hurt from Saturday night and I’m getting on the Orient Express this morning to go on an

Hermes press day! I have to get to Victoria station for 7.30am. Yuk. What to wear??? I’m feeling Agatha Christie meets Blondie. Decide to rock my new Kinder jacket (its Chanel meets Amy Winehouse) and my 30’s, flapper style black silk Miu Miu dress. Its a winner outfit. Oh hell, the invitation says wear flat shoes….But I don’t own any.

Remember I have some old riding boots in the downstairs coat cupboard. I’ve never been riding. I’ve never been near a horse, I bought them for Glastonbury 5 years ago. I’m allergic to horses, why do I even have riding boots? Scrape 5 year old Glasto mud off boots, mirror check and off. I feel weird wearing flats. Didn’t know I was so short. May need a booster seat in the car.

Dash along the platform to catch the Orient Express half expecting steam to rise around my ankles and a man in a trench coat ask my if I needed help with my Louis Vuitton 5 piece luggage set…… Whistle blows, all aboard.

It’s so old time glamour. We sit in big moveable arm chairs and eat a 5 course breakfast from cream china plates with solid silver cutlery. So decadent, so 1930s, pass on the champers… Oh alright, go on then.

After 2 hours on the Orient Express we arrive at Sezincote House which is a turn of the century Indian inspired folly set amongst acres of glorious countryside.

Hermes have an annual day out for the press which is themed and this year the theme is India. We spend an hour looking at charms in a garden (hence the flats).

The charms are being given out by Indian deities. Freaky looking characters sprayed gold, blue or pink. Its all very trippy hippy. We have to perform various tricks to collect trinkets, one of which involved hissing at a snake. Moving on….

Hermes had dip dyed various animals. I spied 5 Hermes orange sheep and a bubble gum pink horse……

Anyway, lunch was held in a beautiful tent with Indian music tinkering away. We had a gorgeous creamy aubergine curry and an array of fine wines. The painted deities arrived with snakes creeping around their wrists and necks. Ugh ugh ugh.

Back on the orient express, I am delighted to find the entire train has been turned into a bar. We roll back into Victoria at 7.30pm…..